It’s when you give up, give in, surrender and stop trying so damn hard that you find what you have been searching for all this time. The thing you have been missing in your life and senselessly trying to fill the void with other activities, empty relationships, false hope & promises and daydreams that would never materialize or reach fruition.  It’s when you finally decide to forgo all hope of attaining happiness that you find the thing that you want was really not that far away from you in the first place.

Whatever you want to call it…fate, destiny, the universe….has put what you were always meant to find right in front of you. It usually is a fortunate accident that you find what you are searching for….often times without the intent of making discoveries in the first place.

I’ve waited so long for this to come…for a moment in time I thought I had found that and then had lost it…but then again, if what you found is now lost…perhaps it wasn’t really yours to begin with. It took me a long time to accept that, but I am glad I did. In doing so, I’ve opened my heart to other opportunites to explore and truly reflect inward and learn about myself.

To completely love someone, you must first love yourself. You must accept yourself for both the accomplishments and mistakes you have made. You must accept that there are somethings you can change and other things you can’t change. You must remember that when you do find what you are looking for, you fight with every breath and effort in your body to hold onto it because you know already the consequences of loss. You must remember that you cannot make someone love you and that true love needs to be reciprocated.

I never though I would find love again…it was an impossible task and too difficult to accomplish. Boy, was I wrong again. After looking in all the wrong places…I gave up.

And that’s when love found me. <3

Waiting around for nothing sucks. Makes me wonder why did I wait so long?

Flood waters surround an industrial complex in Bangkok, Thailand, on October 20, 2011. Hundreds of factories closed in the central Thai province of Ayutthaya and Nonthaburi with flood waters reaching Bangkok. (Paula Bronstein /Getty Images)

Everything I love in my Motherland is destroyed….and it hurts like a pain I’ve never felt.

Apple unveiled the new iPhone 4s today….comes complete with your very own Siri. Hmmph!

One day I woke up and realized the long road I’ve traveled so far and wondered how I got to this point in the first place. While I can’t say it’s been a completely tough road compared to all the trials and tribulations other people may be suffering through around the world, I will say that it’s been a complete roller coaster of an emotionally, physically and psychologically challenging journey.  I’m tired of living in the “What If” world…questioning the past and wondering what would happen if I did things differently or if others reacted differently to past events.  There is a reason we are exactly where we are today…it’s because of the choices WE MAKE. No one made those choices for us. We did. YOU DID. I DID.

Where we are now is a result of actions we took. Sometimes the action of others influence our decisions when we make choices.  Sometimes the choices others make leave us no choice, but to take the steps we needed to…in order to get us to where we are now.

Take a moment to sit and reflect on the choices you made. Are you happy where you are now? Are you happy with the decisions you have made? Have you accepted the wrongs that you have done? Have you admitted to yourself the wrongs you have done?  Can you live with the hurt you have caused and the lies you have made?  Or do you convince yourself of a truth so far fetched that it’s become a reality in your eyes? Does it help you sleep better at night?

The white man’s version of Yan-Yan.

• A fine or penalty for wrongdoing or for a breach of the rules in a club or game
• An item of property or a right or privilege lost as a legal penalty
• A game in which trivial penalties are exacted
• The action of forfeiting something

Love this song by Sia….bittersweet in all the right ways…