In this tug-of-war you’ll always win, even when I’m right.
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27Mar
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07Mar
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Sometimes I wish I could just use a machine to erase memories I no longer care to think about, reflect on or ponder the whys, what ifs, and all that glorious crap. There are some people who have come into my life that I have no desire to ever continue the friendship or keep ties. Some friendships just aren’t worth keeping, takes too much energy and effort from our daily life where we could be investing our precious time into something else that we care about.When someone tells you that they value the friendship they have with you too much to lose, do they really mean it? Do they even understand the irreversable damage that they have cause or the wrongs they have done, yet they feel so damn entitled to keeping the friendship alive and on a hopeless string??? It’s not a friendship when it’s not a two way street and agreed upon by both parties. I don’ t know what possesses people into thinking just because they haven’t talked to me in eons that we still have a good friendship. I can’t count on you if you never were really there in the first place…and I certainly don’t wait to be a part of any part of your lies to yourself and others. It’s just not worth my time and it’s best if the friendship ends. Sometimes you start to realize that it is you who has to make the decision to walk away, even if you did at one point in time promise you wouldn’t give up. What’s the point in wasting time with something that goes nowhere.
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10Feb
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And after all this time that you still owe…you’re still the good-for-nothing I don’t know…
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14Dec
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It’s when you give up, give in, surrender and stop trying so damn hard that you find what you have been searching for all this time. The thing you have been missing in your life and senselessly trying to fill the void with other activities, empty relationships, false hope & promises and daydreams that would never materialize or reach fruition. It’s when you finally decide to forgo all hope of attaining happiness that you find the thing that you want was really not that far away from you in the first place.
Whatever you want to call it…fate, destiny, the universe….has put what you were always meant to find right in front of you. It usually is a fortunate accident that you find what you are searching for….often times without the intent of making discoveries in the first place.
I’ve waited so long for this to come…for a moment in time I thought I had found that and then had lost it…but then again, if what you found is now lost…perhaps it wasn’t really yours to begin with. It took me a long time to accept that, but I am glad I did. In doing so, I’ve opened my heart to other opportunites to explore and truly reflect inward and learn about myself.
To completely love someone, you must first love yourself. You must accept yourself for both the accomplishments and mistakes you have made. You must accept that there are somethings you can change and other things you can’t change. You must remember that when you do find what you are looking for, you fight with every breath and effort in your body to hold onto it because you know already the consequences of loss. You must remember that you cannot make someone love you and that true love needs to be reciprocated.
I never though I would find love again…it was an impossible task and too difficult to accomplish. Boy, was I wrong again. After looking in all the wrong places…I gave up.
And that’s when love found me. <3
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08Nov
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Waiting around for nothing sucks. Makes me wonder why did I wait so long?
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27Oct
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Flood waters surround an industrial complex in Bangkok, Thailand, on October 20, 2011. Hundreds of factories closed in the central Thai province of Ayutthaya and Nonthaburi with flood waters reaching Bangkok. (Paula Bronstein /Getty Images)
Everything I love in my Motherland is destroyed….and it hurts like a pain I’ve never felt.
